This will be difficult. It’s been a few months since I’ve written and whenever I have felt a longing to come back to the adventure project, I have found myself stuck and unsure of what to say when so much has been happening. Life can be hard. As my Queen Lana says: “Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why…”
This blog is supposed to be my creative outlet for rambling essays and fun life projects, and I told myself when I started that I wanted this to be a positive space void of negativity. But hey, life can be a bitch sometimes, and occasionally we have to deal with “projects” that are totally unpleasant. Like… divorcing your partner of 7 years and selling your beautiful home and basically ending your entire life as you know it. That’s life. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it’s great.
So it’s the start of a new chapter in my life and I have no idea what happens next. Thankfully, I have insanely wonderful and supportive family and friends to keep me afloat as I drift aimlessly through this strange new world where everything is uncertain and unclear. They’ve taught me that it is OK (not to mention incredibly important) to manage life day by day and to focus only on small tasks directly in front of me, rather than looking at the big picture and my unknown future life.
One day at a time. That’s been my mantra for the last few weeks and it’s keeping me sane. Today you will clean your bathroom. Today you will buy those light fixtures you need for the bedrooms upstairs. Today you will buy groceries and get back to eating real food. Today you will reach out to old friends and make plans to get yourself out of the house. Today you will put a for sale sign on your lawn. Today you will talk to your ex about who is taking the animals. Today you will clean out the closet in the hall. Today you will make a new budget. Today you will start writing again.
The divorce project was never something I imagined I would tackle and I certainly never thought I would feel the need to talk about it on this very public forum (although really… I always envision crickets chirping when I try to visualize the online world’s reaction to this little blog). But here we are, and even though it is an intensely private situation, I feel compelled to speak about it here. Maybe it’s because I have a faceless audience online compared to the unbearable pain of seeing the reaction on someone’s face when I tell them what’s happening. Maybe it’s because writing has and always will be a cathartic and beautiful process for me. Maybe it’s because this blog has inevitably become my 21st century form of journaling and I know that I will read this one day in the future and feel satisfied with how this journey unfolded. Maybe it’s because some small part of me hopes that this post will help somebody else feel better about starting their own new / scary / overwhelming / exciting / crazy chapter in life.
With that in mind, here are some thoughts on divorce – some good and some bad.
- Good: You get to be selfish and make decisions all by yourself.
- Bad: You no longer share your life with someone and there’s a big hole in your heart where your best friend used to be.
- Good: You can sprawl out in bed because you’re sleeping alone.
- Bad: You’re sleeping alone and it’s totally weird for at least a few weeks.
- Good: You start to appreciate hardcore gangster rap.
- Bad: Sad music feels EXTRA sad. (But that’s OK, because music makes my heart feel good even when it makes me want to cry.)
- Good: You come to understand what REALLY matters in life and stop stressing about the small stuff.
- Bad: Instead of stressing about small stuff, you are stressing about BIG stuff. (Like putting your house up for sale.)
- Good: You feel really good some days and get excited about what the future holds.
- Bad: You feel really bad some days and get sad about the past, present, and future.
- Good: You have family and friends to remind you that you are loved and will be OK and you believe them.
See what I did there? I ended on a “good” note! Still got it – the blog remains a (semi) positive space, largely thanks to the people in my life who have given me nothing but love through this difficult time. Family and friends, I love you. Thank you.